During my senior year in high school I was accepted at Berea College in Berea, KY where I started a new chapter of my life. The second semester I signed up for a musical theatre class and auditioned for the musical South Pacific. I took an instant liking to the teacher. One day after rehearsals I noticed that she was standing in a corner on the stage crying. I approached her and asked her what was wrong. Her father had died the week before. We talked for awhile and she offered to drop me off at my dorm. Chatting and enjoying her company on the way to my dorm gave me a strong feeling of deja-vu.
I knew in that moment that we would be not only teacher and student but we would also become good friends. My intuition turned out to be accurate because Janette became a dear friend, mentor, and a second mother to me. She constantly encouraged me to study and work hard. She took me to cultural events and helped me with foreign languages. She told me that I needed to get out of the small town of Berea, KY and see some of the world and what it had to offer. She mentioned a summer music, cultural and educational institution where she studied on summer many years ago. After I got a job at one of the Chautauqua hotels, Janette even drove me to Chautauqua, NY and picked me up at the airport when I returned to Berea at the end of the summer. She helped me write query letters and a resume and she even helped me improve my English speaking skills, vocabulary and grammar. She was always there when I needed a shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to.
Needless to say Janette felt so familiar right from the beginning. We are very comfortable around each other and we always have so much to talk about. My girlfriend Marsha and I spent the Christmas of my freshman year with Janette. She lived alone with her white poodle, Duvet de neige, which means fluff of snow in French. We would sip on apple cider, and snack on Christmas cookies while playing scrabble and we’d go for drives in the neighborhood to look at Christmas light displays. She bought presents for us and cooked wonderful meals. I tell you the woman must have been a gourmet cook in more than one past life because she could make the most simple of dishes sumptuous and delicious.
Marsha and I would spend some weekends with her. Often she would take us to parks such as Jenny Wiley state park and other such places. We’d attend concerts and she took us both to Aspen, Colorado, along with three other students the summer of my freshman year. She covered all expenses except the concert tickets. To this day I will never forget the mesmerized look that took over me when I heard this young black female soprano in a concert. I knew in that moment that I had to take voice lessons and learn how to sing opera. Until then I had never cared for it or listened to it. When I’d hear the word opera I’d think of sopranos hitting notes so high that chandeliers would break. Looking back I see that the trip to Aspen, Colorado and the concerts we attended all week awoke some deep soul memories.
Although Janette would listen to me when I talked about the supernatural, she claimed to have no real interest in it. However, I have a couple of interesting stories to share that lend me to believe she might be just a little more ‘open minded’ than she let on.
After I graduated from Berea I visited Janette in Bloomington for six weeks. She was taking a year sabbatical. I wound up living there for the next six years and completed my graduate work in Education at Indiana University. All these years later Janette and I are still in touch. Many years ago a psychic told me in a reading that there was a woman in my life who loved music. She said that this woman had been my mother in a past life in Italy when we were both involved with opera. That was no surprise as Janette was my voice teacher in this life and you could say that she sort of adopted me. Long before that psychic reading I was calling her mom and she would call me her baby boy. This is coming from a woman who does not endorse or believe in metaphysics or new age spirituality. I believe it is her soul that knew and recognized me early on and I often called her mom. I’d go to her home for weekends and cut her grass and do chores even after Marsha and I broke up my sophomore year.
Janette would listen to my sad childhood stories and encourage me to move on with my life. She was an excellent opera coach. I studied voice with her for five years and had aspired for a career in opera at one point. My deep friendship with Janette reminds me that two souls need not believe or be involved in the psychic metaphysical realm for their souls to recognize each other. I believe it is soul recognition that activates unconscious memories that carry over in this lifetime. This is what creates a bond that is the basis for forming a new relationship in this lifetime. This is very obvious when it comes to meeting our soul mates who we have known, loved and been involved with in past lives.
The spark that ignites the sense of recognition sets off the energies that will determine what type of attraction and connection is to be made. Although this applies to all type of relationships, it especially applies to the romantic interests and people we fall in love with. I am constantly reminding clients of the magic, wonder, and karma that bring two souls together to work out a relationship. Since I’ve become more involved with metaphysics and my spirituality, the phrases that people sometimes speak to someone they just meet such as ‘I feel like I’ve known you or that we have met before’ or ‘love at first sight’ has taken on more meaning. One of the metaphysical teachers used to say, karma has a way of creating those love at first sight scenarios we so often see enacted.
I am not saying or implying that every case of I get the feeling that I’ve met you somewhere before or love at first sight spells a past life soul mate connection. But sometimes it does. I checked out the wikipedia on the internet of the current earth population and it said as of January 4, 2010 the consensus of the current earth population is estimated at 6,794,200,000 people. Wow, that is a lot of people, nearly seven billion souls incarnated on the planet at this time. When we think about it what are the chances of two souls meeting and falling in love and the myriad of other relationships that are formed? Believe me some of those meetings can appear to be nothing more than coincidence or happenstance. But we metaphysical ‘folks’ know better. I would say, with perhaps a few rare exceptions, that anytime there is a compelling and strong attraction to someone, chances are pretty likely that we have known the person before. More than likely we have come back to work something out and to teach each other some needed lessons. When the lessons are learned and experienced (unless additional karma is created) the strength of the tie that attaches the souls will diminish and the relationship will usually end.
Sometimes we are working out more than one past lifetime lesson, or which is often the case, lessons. This can account for some very adventuresome as well as complicated relationships. I always remind clients and friends that the opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference. For anytime a person hates someone, they are bound to them and are guaranteed to meet up again in a future lifetime to resolve the hatred and transmute the energy to love. I tell people that if they walked down the street and ran into their ex-boyfriend, husband, wife, etc. and felt surging emotions of anger, hatred, etc. then, in most cases, they are not done with this person. For when the energy has truly been balanced and healed, there is a peace of mind and detachment towards this other person.
This is not to say there is not a place for allowing the hatred and hurt emotions to be felt and expressed in an appropriate manner. There is a place for healthy ‘fighting’ and disagreements. It can be very much part of the moving the energy and the healing and resolution of karma, issues and problems. If the hatred is not healed and resolved it will usually be even stronger in the next lifetime. And sometimes those past life abuses, and hatred will be at the core of the intense energy that will create the attraction that two people feel upon meeting. Those past life abuses can account for many difficult soul mate connections and relationships.
As the saying goes ‘Rome was not built over night’. Neither are most problematic relationships healed over night. Yes, unresolved childhood issues can account for some of the psychological problems that plague and haunt many dysfunctional relationships. I can certainly vouch for that. But we metaphysical ‘folks’ have come to believe that the soul has chosen these challenges and obstacles to learn from and overcome so we can heal and move on to greener pastures or bigger and better things as the saying goes.
I recall a little piece that I wrote. One day I was reading the bible and thinking about Beloved Jesus, Lord Sananda. I had asked him how he did what he did. His response was that if I were different and holy it would only be because I was willing to pay the great price. I knew from the bottom of my heart that I wanted peace of mind and to be free of all the inner turmoil, confusion, conflict, hatred, and anger that had been with me for so many years, and life times I was later to learn. Rage is perhaps the word I should have replaced for anger.
After I wrote the piece I was filled with tears. I remember, praying out loud. “Precious, Jesus, I know that I can never be like you but perhaps I can become more like you. I want to give up all of this anger and hate that eats away at my soul. I want to be able one day to be evolved to the point that I could say, like you did, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” for anybody inflicting harm upon me in any way, mental, emotional, spiritual or physical. I want to be able to spread the other cheek if someone slaps me on my cheek. I know I am not there yet, but before I die, that is where I want to be.”
“Then so be it,” I heard in my mind as clearly as if beloved Jesus had stepped through time into my world. I could feel his holy radiance and the great outpouring of love that emanated from his aura and being. That day was a day I was never to forget. I intuitively knew in my gut that part of my healing and forgiveness would involve owning the hatred I held for my father. The way to healing and moving beyond the anger and hatred is to admit, (it’s amazing how so many people deny hating someone when sometimes their very looks, gestures, and even words dictate otherwise) look at, explore, experience, and then, and only then, can we move through it.
I had been in the denial mode myself and know how futile being in denial is. How can we heal if we can’t even admit what it is that is ailing and messing up our lives? I think of the story I once heard about the psychiatrist who was working with a woman who was married to an abusive man. When he asked her if she hated her husband. “No, I don’t hate him,” she said. He asked her again. “No, I don’t hate my husband,” she said a bit louder. This went on for a few times then she screamed, “No, I don’t hate the gd SOB.”
Coming to finally admit that I hated my father was the beginning of the long journey of healing. This bit of information that my guides had passed forth to me intrigued and ignited my interest, and fired my determination, but I knew that this would be a monumental task to achieve and accomplish. I also knew that it was one that I was determined, come hell or high water as the saying goes, to get through.
What does this have to do with soul mate connections? you may ask. It has everything to do with them. Our soul mates are not just our partners, lovers, or spouses. They can be our father, our brother, sister, mother, cousin, the teacher at school, a neighbor, even some poor bloke in prison. Our connections to these souls do not originate in this lifetime and often do not end with this one. Many times we incarnate over and over to meet up and love our soul mates in different ways. Of course we don’t have to have so-called bad karma with every soul mate. There is good karma as well. Thank goodness for that! When I do readings for people who have relatively no conflict with their partners, I tell them that it is their good karma that they have earned. The ones who constantly fight I encourage to hang in there, and not run out prematurely or they will meet up with the soul again to resolve unfinished business.
Some of our closest allies and soul mates are our so-called enemies or nemeses. My fellow writer and good friend, Sherri Cortland, in her wonderful book, goes into this frequently and adds poignant insight on the topic. My father is one such nemesis and soul-mate. Although he was basically a heartless, cruel monster in this lifetime, fortunately, for my growth and benefit, I learned that behind all of the rage and hatred that we have a deep soul love for each other. Need I repeat this sentence? Yes, I know it’s a mouth full and perhaps a bit hard to chew on or swallow. Try telling me that when I was eleven years old and he was beating my mother and telling me he’d just as soon kill me as look at me, and tell me that I was a loser and would never amount to anything because I was a low down piece of shit. Such words were sharper than a two edged sword and wounded me more than physical blows would have.
Being bound, sworn and determined to work through my hatred for my father, and to heal and move on, I believe is what opened many doors. For like they say watch out for what we ask for; we do get it. Ultimately, forgiveness, love, and such are choices that we make. Giving up hatred is also a choice, and no, I do not mean to imply that it will not involve a lot of soul searching, work, and challenges. I do not mean to imply that it is impossible and cannot be achieved. It most certainly can happen if we are willing and persistent enough, and toss in some daring and willingness for risk taking.
An experience I had some twenty seven years ago proved to me that our higher self is always active and available, I might add, when grow tired of playing the same old ‘ego’ games and routines over and over and are ready to give them up. When I was twenty-six I finally concluded that I was ready to legally make a name change to sever part of my connection with my father, and to claim my own identity and freedom. I had experimented with and used various names for several years, trying to tell and convince myself that my link with my father was done and we were finished. My therapist knew and told me otherwise many times. So I would plug away with using names such as Denis Mikir or Michael Chaumont, in partial honor to my opera coach and second mother Janette whose last name is Amboise-Chaumont. I had other names, and if the saying that schizophrenia beats dining alone, holds any truth, to insert some humor, then not only was I half schizoid, I even had different names for each persona that I called ‘me.’ Finally after years of dealing with this identity struggle with my connection to my father, I had made enough progress that spirit told me I was now in a position to make the legal name change. That sounded good to me so I went to the court house and filled out the forms and proceeded to do what all I was supposed to do to complete this task.
At about nine p.m. that night I was sitting in my big soft plush chair and had drifted off to sleep. I woke up with my father’s name in big green neon lights on a marquee New York City. “Oh, the big apple,” I said out loud. “What is that about?”
“You are seeing an image of the big apple because you want it all in this lifetime,” I heard in my head. “You are a very big soul and the big apple is a metaphor for that, also to remind you to not forget your dream of singing a concert at Carnegie Hall in New York for your fortieth birthday.”
“I recall that dream. That big dream never came true.”
“It’s never too late for big dreams to come true. You can sing in Carnegie Hall on a parallel dimension or even a future time, so take a chill pill and keep plugging away at your dream fulfillment.”
I rubbed my eyes and decided I’d shove those thoughts and words aside for the present moment. I had to get up early in the morning and meet the man at the courthouse to complete the name changing procedure. But I was not the least bit sleepy and I had an urge to write. I searched for pencil and pen and, of all things I thought I’d never do, I channeled the higher self of my father. If I had not had the five pages in front of me when I was done I’d have concluded that I dreamt or imagined that very unusual encounter.
My father’s higher self basically told me was that he was very sorry for all that my father had put me through. He went on to say that it was the very putting me through ‘hell’ so to speak that made me strong, bound and determined to heal and make somebody out of myself. He said that, although I appeared weaker than my six siblings, that I was actually the strongest one. I would turn my adversities into assets and I would go places and achieve things no one in my family would ever accomplish. He said that my father and I had set up this agreement before I was even born. Yes, we had been rivals in lives past, but it was all part of a game we had chosen to play and learn from. He reminded me that I am the only child to be left-handed like my father is, and that I resemble him more than most of my brothers.
“Go ahead, and change your name,” he continued. “You have earned that right at this point in time, having accomplished with many years of therapy and hard work, what your father’s ego never has been able to do. But be not fooled! This formal and external gesture will not and can never sever the soul connection and deep love that exist between you and your father. You will meet again, and your rivalry will then be transmuted to genuine love and partnership and you shall be as brothers and comrades upon other human shores.”
He said that I carried as much hatred and rage as my father did, and that was something that we had in common and shared, although the origins of some of our hatred and rage had nothing to do with each other. He added that rage and hatred offered many gifts and both could lead me to the light and to love. My father’s higher self said he was saddened to see that my father would not accomplish this task at an ego level in this lifetime. He insisted that I would. He said that dad I share a very ancient and deep soul love that no amount of hatred or rage can ever sever. He said that I would come to forgive my father and I would be set free, and I would also, by living example, help set free my father, although much of this would take place after my father made his transition.
Dad’s higher self, said, “Joe really does love you, Michael. You must never forget this” and then he left. Needless to say I was floored and flabbergasted. I was filled with a volcanic rage for a few moments and wanted to scream and curse my father to the top of my lungs. I wanted to transmute and shape-shift into an awesome dragon so powerful that I could burn the very shreds of the paper I had written these words upon and any memory that might dwell in my heart and soul. Basically, I wanted to curse my father, his higher self and hope they would both drop dead.
Fortunately, that surge of passionate rage was short-lived. I allowed my inner child to cry and to recall many cruel things my father said and did to me. Like I said before, the way to heal the anger, rage and hurt is to allow the old pain to be felt and relived. So that is what I did. I got up and took a shower. I was drenched in sweat. When I put on my pj’s it was as though the water had cleansed me. The anger was gone. I managed to calm my shaking hands and trembling knees enough so that I could reread what I had just written via a type of automatic writing.
This time the tears spilled as I read the words spoken from my father’s higher self. Without being able to explain how I knew, I knew that I had truly channeled my father’s higher self. There was no way to deny it and also no way that my conscious ego could have ever written such words. I studied the words and even took the papers with me to the courthouse the next day. This is not to say that I was completely healed. There would be times when I would forget the automatic writing, and fall back into the clutches of the ego and inner child part of me that hated my father. But my higher self would remind me from time to time that our enemies can turn out to be our greatest assets and friends. In time I was able to move through the hatred and anger. When my father had triple by pass heart surgery in December of 1997 on Christmas eve night, then developed a case of Parkinson’s disease, and wound up in the hospital for three months, I visited him every weekend. Sometimes I just sat in his room while he slept. Other times I helped him get up and let him lean on me so he could walk up and down the hall to exercise his legs and muscles. When he wound up in a nursing home from 1999 to 2004, the year he died, I visited as often as I could.
Nothing was spoken of about my visit with his higher self. Not a word was spoken about my childhood or the monster he had been. What was spoken were some words of some of the few happy memories I hold from childhood, such as Dad always making sure we had a good Christmas, taking us to movies, to visit our grand parents, and to various parks and to the Great Smoky Mountains camping one summer. As the tears fell down my cheeks at his funeral, I said to myself. Beloved, Jesus, I know I am still not as evolved as you, but do you think maybe I have made some progress?” I then saw an image of beloved Jesus in my mind and then the image transformed into an image of my father. I heard the words from a poem I had written many years ago: “I am a part of all that is. All that has been and all to be born. When the spark of life takes me from this earth, I shall be greeted by the new morn!”
I have learned that our soul mates come in all shapes, sizes and forms and people. Years ago I would have never imagined in a million years that I would be saying what I am about to say in the next few sentences. I am also very known to remind my clients and friends of the very same thing when they say they will never forgive someone or be able to give up their hatred for wrongs done to them. Now I frequently say that if we possess the least modicum of wisdom we never say ‘never’ because we never know when we are going to have to eat those very words.
What I would have never thought I’d be saying is this: My father is one of my most beloved and cherished soul mates as is my beloved teacher and friend Janette. Although he was a mean and ruthless tyrant he taught me many things. Janette has been a far gentler more loving teacher, but remember, there is much to learn from the darkness as well as the light. Until the earth completely ascends to a higher dimension, the darkness will be as much a part of life on the earth as the light.
AUTOPOST by BEDEWY VISIT GAHZLY
